Estate planning is one of those topics that many families tend to avoid—whether out of discomfort, fear of conflict, or simply a desire to maintain privacy. If your parents have an estate plan but aren’t sharing the details with you, it’s natural to feel concerned or even left in the dark. You might wonder: Do I have a right to know what’s in their plan?
Here’s what you need to know.
- No Legal Right—But That Doesn’t Mean It Should Be a Secret
In California (and most other states), adult children do not have a legal right to see or be informed of their parents’ estate plan while their parents are alive and mentally competent. The person creating the estate plan—the grantor—retains full control over whether to share that information, and with whom.
Unless you’ve been designated as a fiduciary (such as the trustee or agent under a power of attorney), you have no automatic right to access the documents or know what they contain.
- Why Some Parents Choose to Stay Quiet
There are many reasons why parents may not discuss their estate plan:
- They want to avoid family tension or favoritism.
- They feel the details are personal or private.
- They worry that early disclosure may affect how loved ones behave.
- They’re uncomfortable talking about aging, illness, or death.
It’s not always a reflection of distrust or secrecy—often it’s simply hard to talk about.
- The Risks of Keeping Loved Ones in the Dark
While privacy is understandable, not communicating even the basic structure of an estate plan can lead to confusion, stress, and disputes later on. Problems we’ve seen arise include:
- Children who don’t know who’s in charge (as successor trustee or executor).
- Confusion about health care decisions in an emergency.
- Disagreements between siblings due to unmet expectations.
- Delays or legal costs in settling the estate due to limited communication or uncertainty about next steps.
- Starting the Conversation (Gently)
If you’re concerned about being left out of the loop, it’s okay to ask—but it’s important to approach the topic with care and respect. Try something like:
“I know these conversations aren’t easy, but I’d really like to be supportive of your wishes as you get older. If something were to happen, I want to make sure I help carry out your plan the way you intend.”
Keep the focus on them, not on what you might receive. Expressing care and respect, not entitlement, makes a big difference.
- What You Can Do Now
If your parents still prefer to keep the details private, there are a few helpful things you can ask for without crossing any boundaries:
- Do they have a will or trust?
- Have they named someone as power of attorney for finances and health care?
- Where are their documents stored?
- Who should you contact in an emergency?
Even just knowing the answers to these basic questions can help you feel more prepared.
- Encouraging a Review and Update
If you suspect your parents haven’t updated their documents in a while—or aren’t sure they even have a plan—encouraging a meeting with an estate planning attorney can be a helpful step. Sometimes, hearing it from a professional makes the conversation easier (and more productive).
Final Thoughts
While you don’t have a right to know what’s in your parents’ estate plan, open communication can help avoid conflict and confusion later on. At Herbert Law Office, we encourage our clients to bring trusted family members into the conversation—especially those who may have a future role in the plan. If your family needs a gentle, experienced guide to help start the conversation, we’re here to help.
Call us today at (661) 273-9007 to schedule your free consultation.